I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
