I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
