Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
