I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
