On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
