Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
