i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
