i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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