Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
