hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
