New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
