Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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