I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
