I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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