I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
