We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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