I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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