i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
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