I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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