Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
