I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
