Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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