I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
