Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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