Where is the hickey?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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