Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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