batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
