go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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