just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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