i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
