remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
