listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
