so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
