I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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