I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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