No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
