Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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