Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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