I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
