So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
