they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
