I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
