i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
