I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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