i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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