then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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