Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
