you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
