I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
