i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
