So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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