Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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