I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
