So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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