I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
