I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
