This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
