YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
