Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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